Saturday, September 24, 2016

Miscellaneous December 2015...

December, as much as I can remember it, went by very quickly as usual.  The weeks are packed with year-end planning and fourth quarter estimates at work, and the nights are packed with Christmas pageants, visits with family and friends, and Christmas prep.  

Sometimes the nights are so busy you just let your kids finish the ice cream out of the tub...

Jeffrey thought it was a great idea and didn't mind one bit...

Mystro didn't really appreciate the gifts I bought him....haha!  He looked so cute.

Mystro, the crabby reindeer!

After church one Sunday, for the first time ever, we stopped at Taco Bell for lunch.  Chris used to do this with his parents growing up -- his mom doesn't like breakfast food, so they would stop after for a taco was my understanding.  The boys loved it!

For my birthday I wanted to do Hibachi, since the kids haven't ever experienced that -- 

They thought it was awesome!  However, the salad and soup beforehand was pretty gross they decided, and I agreed.  It was like mayo on some iceberg lettuce...

Jeffrey thought it was good, and shared his food with Daddy...unfortunately then Jeffrey got a cold, so then Daddy got the cold...doomed!  The kids doom us with their germs!

Fire!  I wish they would have done more fire...that was the best part...

The next day we went to church and I had a donut, so I came home and walked off the donut on the treadmill.  That was the beginning of four months of pain, as I somehow threw out my hips and tore/pulled my piriformis muscle....

Sunday, September 18, 2016

Just like high school...

I couldn't sleep last night; I lay awake at midnight, staring up at the moon, my mind churning and analyzing the past few days, weeks, months.

Recently, a facebook group was started for my high school class.  Next year will be 20 years.  Yikes.  I am pretty sure I am now officially old.  

Anyways, I was reading some of the comments on that page last night about planning for the reunion and a few people were acting ridiculous, and it reminded of high school and junior high.  But besides that, looking at the names and pictures of all these people that used to treat you like crap, or worse, treat you like you didn't exist, or even worse, pretended to be your friend to your face but often forgot about you and talked about you behind your back.   *sigh*  It just reminds me of all those old, horrible feelings.

And work the last couple months has been hard, those same feelings resurfacing when your new team changes the room of a meeting, and doesn't bother to tell you.  When the people that sit right next to you either don't know how to say "good morning" or "hi", or better yet, just simply don't want to.  When you are moved to a team to help them fix their horrible image because you are viewed as a strong, competent person; and then you realize that there isn't much you can do, because you are working with people who simply do not want to change....

And then you come home at the end of a long day, a long week, to your beautiful family and home, only to be called by teachers to hear of your kids failings;  only to be reminded and told by friends and family of my personal failings (without asking for the advice); all while keeping my own mouth shut of all the things those around me should do, change, or how hurtful they have been to me.

I find myself going back into that place, into that feeling that was high school and junior high:  Why am I never good enough?  What is wrong with me?  It has taken me years to learn what I was feeling had a name, a definition:  shame.   I always thought to have shame, you had to do something wrong to earn it.  But now I know that shame is the feeling that there is something inexplicably wrong with yourself, having done nothing to cause it at all.  It's internalization of how when people treat you poorly, you blame yourself.  

As Nathan starts to be teased in school, I start to worry he will grow up wondering the same things I did, and occasionally still do when I forget God loves me, that he will lay awake at night wondering, "why can't I get it all right?"

Grace.   It's there, always there, always He is waiting with it there.  He says "take it!  take it!" and the voice inside me says "you don't deserve it.  Not you!  No no no!   You haven't finish the laundry yet...FAIL"

I lay awake looking at the stars and have no answer, and as I wait for one, the voice that simply cannot stay silent in my head rambles on and on and on.... The moon stays there though; calm, shining bright in the darkness, and I think of how much I love it, and how long it took me to notice, appreciate, and love it.  If the moon can patiently wait for me, I decide, then I will have to continue to patiently wait for others....

Tuesday, September 6, 2016

Evan goes to Kindergarten

So, after trying for three hours to get a slideshow to show on here, and not one that I had to pay $50 for with the song I want, I give up....

click on the link for the music to open in another window (it won't last the whole show!), and click then on the Smilebox to get that going, and it will be close...

Let them be little (opens in another window)

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Tuesday, August 9, 2016

2015: Decorating the tree and Evan's Christmas Program

The boys enjoy decorating the tree...

I think.  at least I used to enjoy decorating the tree...but  now that I have three boys, I am more of a referee than anything else.  

It always looks nice when done...

Meh...we got a little snow.  The snow-haters came out of the woodwork!  I just do not understand why anyone would live in Minnesota and hate snow.  There are so many other snow-less cities to go to...

Jeffrey was being naughty...

We got a little more snow...

Jeffrey got a little naughtier.  He kept sneaking up on the table to grab "num nums", but decided to go the side without a chair.  LOL!   "i stuck!  I stuck!"

Pretty at night...oh how lovely Christmas lights are at night with snow!  

I knew the early snow would we went out and made the best of it.

I bought some things for Mystro.

He was not amused.  

Here is Jeffrey at Evan's program...Jeffrey was so excited to see "Eva" up there!  

Evan belted it out!

As always, Evan is my sour patch kid.  First he's naughty, then he's sweet.  So, so sweet.

Tuesday, July 19, 2016

Working hard...

So in May I decided to switch teams at work, because most of my work is in the contracting/construction area, so I switched to the construction team.  Makes sense, right?

They've been asking me off and on to switch for years.  At one point I decided to switch, but since I was pregnant at the time, they told me to hold off.  After that, I just decided to stay where I was.

Now I am having major buyers remorse about the move.  I have moved to a team where the managers there do NOT want me.  I figured it wouldn't bother me much, because pretty much my whole life I have been around people who were rude and/or passive aggressive.  But, I guess the fact is after going to work and being around negativity all day, it's hard to come home and be around more of it.

Like with friends and neighbors make snide remarks that normally you let slide, those things bother me now.  And I think it is because I come home and am spent and have little patience left in the tank for my family.

It is Tuesday and the house is empty this morning.   I am feeling sad since none of the kids came and gave me a hug good-bye, it is supposed to be 110 degrees this week (disgusting!), and the world sucks.

The world always sucks, but lately with the violence and cop-killings, my gut hurts more.  I got stuck in protest traffic last Wednesday for two and a half hours.  On a bus.  The blessing that came out of that was I had a wonderful conversation with the black women sitting next to me.  She wanted all those people to be arrested and was talking to me about her life and how she had always been treated by people growing up.  You see, she had a white grandmother, so she was never black enough for her friends.  Her grandmother was Italian and she loved her grandmother dearly.   She said she got picked on all the time, called all sorts of names, didn't talk "right" and so she always made friends with other kids.  She wished me a "beautiful life" and she told me that it never expires.  We talked about work, had some connections there, life, gardening, and the cows that sometimes break out of her neighbors fence, get into her garden, and eat her plants.  I was really glad I had her to talk to for the hour and a half we just sat there.  I hope I see her again someday, but I doubt it, since after that day, she said she is going to avoid the bus and downtown Minneapolis for awhile.

Well, as usual, Tuesday is the day I get to kick my own ass.  But, this afternoon may be fun.  I have to go upstairs, start on chores, make Evan's birthday cupcakes, go pick up Evan for an 11:30 ortho appointment (poor boy, his first of very very many I am afraid), but then I may take him to see a movie.  It's his birthday week after all!  There is also a special family fun night tonight in Blaine from 6-8 with bouncy houses for free, so maybe I will take him to that too.

It is simply too hot this week to mow lawn, so we will probably let it grow.  After all the yard work I did last week, I am really not into it today.

Chris leaves for a week on Sunday, and I am always nervous about anyone flying anywhere, but now twice as nervous with all these terrorist attacks.  I know God's in control but it doesn't feel like He is.  It is the County Fair too next week, so he won't be around for that, so I am wondering if we will go, unless we go on Friday, which I don't really want to do given how busy it is.

Nathan's bday parties and a trip to the Dells...

Evan got to have a friend over this year for Nathan's party he had with friends, so that was nice.  Thanks Ashton for coming!  

We also had a get-together with the Johnson family...and Ken's bday is right around the same time, so he had to blow out the candles too.

In November we took a long weekend and went back to the Dells.  Hopefully this year we would have no sickness...ha!  

I think I may have blogged about how Nathan got sick, and Glen passed away on our way to the Dells...see this post for that detail:  Fierce 2016

Anyways, here are some pics from the trip.  The boys made me two Mooses!  Well, they made their own mooses, but they sure were fun to haul around!

Hanging out in the room...we didn't take as many pictures this time...we mostly just enjoyed the vacation...

We go to where we have a full kitchen so we don't have to eat out, spend money, or get dressed.  Love doing this!

The boys enjoy the bunk beds.  First they argue over who gets the top.  Then they argue over who gets the bottom.  Then they get scared and end up sleeping in the same spot anyways.

Nathan was finally tall enough this year to do the body slides by himself...he must have gone up and down 30 times one day...

On the way back home they were a little tired...Mommy and Daddy wanted a rest too!!