Sometimes I wonder how I can handle two...when I feel like I am barely handling one.
Where will I get the energy to do all this...when, even now, I just come home and crash?
Where are all the other women out there that feel the way that I do? That work part-time, and take care of their kid(s)?
I am home with Nathan one or two days a week, and at work three or five days a week, and I work from home when I am home. and at the park. and at the store. whenever i can...checking email, answering questions, keeping things moving. But lately, I want the two areas of my life to be completely separate. I am tired of thinking about work when I am home and thinking about home when I am at work. Unfortunately, I know I am the only one who can change this.
I am also tired of the implication that daycare is the easy way out, and that my kid(s) will suffer not being home with Mommy all the time. I have had people, even friends, insult me for having Nathan in daycare...at times wondering what other choice I would have other than quitting my career?
I remember the awful first day I dropped Nathan off with people who were almost complete strangers to me. I remember holding back the tears and the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach (which was also there when I wrote out my first check to the place).
Now when I drop him off, he smiles when he sees his friends and his toys, and is so ready to go and play he doesn't care as I wave good-bye. When I pick him up, he is often sweaty, dirty, and tired...but happy! And he does so many wonderful things there...everyday, projects, art, music, dance,...all while learning and happy.
I think and hope it will be easier, although still hard, to drop off the next baby at the daycare...with thoughts in mind of how eventually they will love school and their friends...it makes it easier.
...16.5 weeks...I wish I was closer, but at the same time, don't want to rush it....praying to God each day for health for this next child...