Sunday, January 30, 2011

It was a WEEK!

So, honestly, I kind of feel bad that I sat around a lot this weekend and did a lot of nothing, but at the same time, I don't.  I was due.

The good news is, my ear finally opened up today -- and I can hear!  It is wonderful...and amazing how many little things you take for hearing out of both ears!  And having two cars. 

Clearly this called for a celebration..or at least, an ice cream cone.  Nathan struggled with how to eat this the first time...but by the next time, he was a pro! 

Evan has been moving around so much more lately...starting to get into trouble!  He almost pulled my plate of food off of the table last week, and here he is with Daddy...and poor Daddy can't play computer as Evan kept pushing buttons and moving stuff around....It was too cute so I had to snap a few pictures....

At least I can't say I was entirely that wouldn't be Renee.  We were going to have some relatives over Saturday, but unfortunately they got sick and couldn't make it.  However, the good news was the house was about  halfway clean, and random things got know, like the base around the bottom of the toilet, and the corners on the kitchen floor, and the rugs got all, it really turned out well to have some reason to do all that.  The only bad part was, once I heard they weren't coming, I immediately stopped with the process and has myself a drink. 

But I did finish Evan's blanket!  I am going to send it to school with him, as he doesn't have anything special there yet.  Grandma just finished a lovely minkee one for him that is nice and big for when he is older, but he just needs something small for now for daycare.  I have been working on this for about two or three is the baby blanket I crochet a lot...I think this is my 6th or 7th one...

Then, today, I also finished a pillowcase.  I received a pillow case kit for a Christmas present this was from WalMart, so I wasn't sure how it would go.  The fabric seemed to be an okay quality (the red was definately cheap), but the instructions were crap...and made  no sense!  I read them for like an hour, and then started to follow them, but then just ended up doing my own thing, and it turned out pretty well. 
Nathan likes it at least...and it is always exciting to cross a few "projects" off the list...makes room for me to add more.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011


Things kind of come and go in waves...don't they?

Our car is in the shop.  I, once again, have an ear infection (I am told I am one of those rare, "lucky" adults.  Yae me!  Boo.)...Evan is getting another least his immune system is getting an education!  Work is a struggle everyday.  And gas prices are $3.20/gallon.  Yikes.  Why isn't the media attacking our president over this?  It is clearly his fault.  After all, it used to be Bush's fault.  Hmm.  gotta wonder about that. 

So goes it. 

At least the Packers are in the Superbowl.  I jumped up and down for joy on Sunday and screamed. It was so fun.  I asked Chris to at least pretend for a few seconds he was excited for me and my, he went, "woo woo" unenthusiastically and raised his arm for a second.  it wasn't really what I was hoping for.   Nathan also told me to "stop yelling" because he "didn't like it".  

I am using the Netipot multiple times a day.  Nathan asked me what I was doing this morning when I was using it.  Kind of funny.  I said, "I guess I am washing out my nose!"  I asked him if he wanted a try.  He said "no."

I am glad I live in Minnesota and the seasons change so much.  I am longing for the thaw, the soggy, brown grass to start showing and the green grass to start poking through...

On Sunday night we made panfish and twiced baked potatoes for dinner.  It was delish.

Yesterday we made meatloaf and potato patties for dinner.  Excellent.

Tonight I fed my kid a cookie and banana.  Hey man, don't judge. 

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Slipping through my fingers...

Evan turned 6 months old yesterday - my beautiful, sweet baby boy is growing up so fast I can hardly believe it. 

Just born...

Slipping through my fingers all the time
I try to capture every minute
The feeling in it...
Two months old...

Each time I think I'm close to knowing
He keeps on growing...

Four months old

Slipping through my fingers all the time...

Six months old...
 Happy Birthday Baby!  Love you!

Thursday, January 20, 2011

I thought I didn't really have any New Year resolutions...

You know, because they are so....lame.  And once you call something your "new year's resolution" it seems to get immediately filed in your brain as "something to attempt for a bit and then give up on until the next time..."

But, now I have one.  I am not sure how this happened, but it happened, so I need to deal with it -- figuring out what I want to do with the rest of my life (career wise).  You think I would know, by now, after spending 10+ years doing what I am doing.  But nope.  Unfortunately, in my career, it is very rare you will stay in one place for long, and the fact I have been at the same place now for 10+ years is actually a rarity.   Yesterday it was "discussed" with me that I really do need to examine the possibility of moving on if I am unsure about moving onto the next promotion level. 

crushing.  scary.  exciting.  draining. 

It was not like I didn't know this was fact, I have already started to network, talk with recruiters/friends, and start to really analyze my career path.  But, to be told it, verbally, to my face, was kind of like making it "real".  Before it was all me, all in my head, with possibilities left and right and nothing I actually had to do because nobody was really thinking it except me.  Which, I am aware of now, is not the case anymore. 

So, I will spend a considerable amount of time this year thinking about what I want to do, where I want to do it, and that sort of stuff.  At this point, I have no idea what the outcome will be.  It is so hard though to try to plan out your can't plan life...things happen, things change, it needs to be fluent.  Just like a career I guess...I need to consider it a fluent part of my life...and be more open to change and different directions (although, considering what I do, is there ever a day where something isn't changing?!!!)

a good friend reminded me last night that it wasn't something I had to do alone ironic that I had immediately reverted to thinking it something I needed to do alone.  I have Help.  silly me.  He's always there.  So, we had a chat last night, while I lay in bed, sick and stuffed up, and the answer was vague, unclear, and only directional.  But, I am thankful for the direction, and will follow it...

In the meantime, it is cold, (40 below windchill tonight?) I am sick, and my ear is plugged (the notariously BAD one that always gets plugged).  But, the good news is, Nathan is over this, Evan is much better and is eating much more, and so I am sure to be on my way to health again in a few days with a good attitude.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Kids say the darndest things...

seriously.  Here are some of Nathan's latest:
Miss Ashley, Nathan's preschool teacher, said she was almost in tears from laughing the other day after this:

Nathan finished his breakfast first, and said, "Miss Ash-e-ley, can I get down?" 
Miss Ashley said "no Nathan.  Sit and wait for your friends to finish." 
And Nathan goes, "Dammit."

Oh dear!  :-)
The other night Nathan and I built a fort/tent in his room.  We were both lying under it, and we started thanking Jesus for things.  I would thank Him for something, and then Nathan would.  I thanked Him for our house, Nathan would thank Him for his bed, I would thank Him for our food, Nathan thanked Him for his clothes...etc.  This went on for a little bit...then Nathan goes, "Thank you Jesus for Evan."  And Mommy started tearing up.... 
The other night Nathan was just being bad...very difficult, and he broke something or another.  So, he got sent to bed early and there were many tears.  After he calmed down, and I went up and talked to him. 

I said, "Nathan, why were you being so naughty?"

He responded with the cutest look on his face, "Mommy, I didn't try to be naughty, it just happened."


Nathan says, "Ding dang" and "Chug Chug!" all the time.  We aren't sure why, but I find myself saying ,"chug CHUG!" at times now when I get frustrated.  It definately makes you feel better!

Other things he says a lot, "Oh man!" and "oh my goodness sakes!" and my favorite, "Mommy, I love you every night."

Sunday, January 16, 2011

There are places I'll remember...

...and moments. 
 And I won't remember the worries, but rather, I will remember how Nathan loved his cow-shaped waffle. 

And how auntie and Baby Bo hung out together on a Friday night just cause...

And how when I was crying about Evan not eating much (which has greatly improved -- yae!)..he was laughing...

And how Roary was always there in the wings...waiting for a bit of attention...

And how Nathan enjoys Christmas cookies like I do...

The last Christmas Tree of the season!  These are my favorite of the cutouts.  We took down our big Christmas tree yesterday.  Always bittersweet.  I really dislike doing it, and I dread it, but this year, I turned on some good tunes, and did little bits at a time, and it wasn't so bad.  I put up some Valentine's day stuff and thought of how much I really do like looking forward to the next holiday or season. 
We had a busy weekend...which ended with Chinese take-out from the Rose Garden - delish!  The last time I had it, we had to wait FOREVER but tonight it tasted wait due to takeout...Kung Pao, Lo Mein, Fried Rice...Chicken Wings...fabulous! 

I also had my once a  month quilting class on Saturday and let me tell you, it has re-ingvigorated me to get going on projects.  I am pretty excited - looks like Friday night the ladies are all free, so we will be doing another night of sewing and whatever else projects we want to do.   YES! 

I realized a few days ago, I have been going about a month or so without my "list".  I wanted a new notebook for Christmas for my lists and whatever else I like to jot down, but no one got me one.  I realize that's probably because people think what kind of crummy gift is a notebook?  But seriously, it is a great thing.  I have a few pages left in my old book, so I started to scribble stuff down, and immediately felt better. 

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Trying to take it all in stride...

Evan didn't eat well Monday or Tuesday at daycare.  I worried.  But thankfully, today he ate better, and got in about 10 ounces while he was there (yesterday he maxed out at 6).  He does eat, they say, two or three tablespoons of solids twice a day, so I guess he is getting enough food.  I just worry he is going to get dehydrated.  But, doctor says not to worry about that unless he is lethargic, not having wet diapers, etc., which he is definately NOT - Very active, they say he is extremely happy and playful at daycare, very social and wants to laugh at all the other kids, and stuff like that. 

I keep thinking of A Christmas Story (the movie), and the part where Ralphie says, "Every family has a kid that won't eat.  My brother Randy hadn't eaten a full meal in years..."  Or something like that, and then the mom makes Randy eat  his mashed potatoes like a pig. 

I guess Evan is our kid that won't eat.  And going from a Nathan, to an Evan, is kind of stressing me out.  I keep thinking, "you need to eat more.  you need to eat more.  come on, just eat some more!"  Clearly I am my mother's daughter. 

Nathan is at Grandma's, so I am going to spend the next half hour cleaning after this, followed by making myself some dinner, and then it's time for Evan to go to bed.  I am trying to get him on a schedule where 7PM is his bedtime so he is at least getting around 11 or 12 hours a night...especially since the napping at daycare seems nonexistent at the moment!

Then Nathan will be home around 8...and lately I just lay in bed with him, thinking I will just stay for a few minutes,and then two hours later I wake up, all groggy and confused with a foot in my face. 

Such is life I guess.  Taking it in stride. 

Monday, January 10, 2011

I knew the blogging would slow down...

I can't even find time to think.  let alone blog.  so I will do both right here and now. 

this is me thinking.

I am thinking a lot about him, because after one week at daycare, which started out wonderful, the kid has changed.  We couldn't figure him out on Wednesday night, when he would take two sucks of the bottle, scream, push it away, take two more sucks, scream, push it away, and only get down about two ounces.  I thought he was overtired.  Normally he would get two or three naps during the day, totaling five or six daycare, he is lucky if he gets 45 minutes at a time, totaling an hour or two.  Same thing Thursday.  On Friday, I took him to the doctor, concerned about sore throat.  Nothing.  Finally, on Saturday night it dawned on us, you would think we were first time parents or something...duh..the kid is almost six months old. 


On Sunday I shined a flashlight in his mouth...I didn't see anything coming in on the bottom so I thought I might as well check the top...and sure enough, there was a little tiny tooth starting to push it's way through.  So, that's what is causing all of this.

And, well, he may not be hungry because he had some sort of stomach bug as well...because I had a stomach bug this weekend.  Not fun.  And who the heck did I get it from if not Evan?  No one else has had it...and here's hoping Nathan does NOT get it.  Because man, that kid hates puking in the bucket.  He cries when he sees it, "No...not the bucket!"  who can blame him though.

Evan has been so easy-going this whole "i am not eating i am going to scream bloody murder at random times" thing has really concerned me.  Obviously this may last a bit, so I need to get used to it.  And, daycare is new to him, and he is great there!  All smiles and giggles..probably why the little shnit won't sleep.  Too busy flirting.  Yeah, that's right...he is such a big flirt.  Like, when I took him to the doctor, everyone is like, "he can't be sick!  look at that smile!"  Made me feel silly. 

I can't keep work straight.  I am way too busy.  I added an extra day at the office in order to not be swamped when I am there and have to work from home.  I worked from home all Friday morning.  What is going on?  Am i losing my ability to delegate?  multitask?  Part of it I know is now where my desk is...they made us move cubes and I am sitting next to someone who bothers me seriously every hour with questions...including interrupting me when I am right in the middle of things over and over again.  I can't think.  Also, part of it is people quitting, leaving me behind with no one to assist me, in the middle of projects, to transition to new team members who have never worked on this type of project before..yikes!  hand holding.  how will I ever do the job I am supposed to for my level?  I find it overly-challenging.  I get exhausted.  I come home, and can only run a mile in 10:30.  Although, I am proud of that because of my exhaustion. 

Can I balance this all out?  Can I stop the endless chatter in my head of things to do here and at home? 

Do I care?  I could go to the grocery store tomorrow and be shot by a psycho...our time is so limited...shouldn't I be home with my kids? 

Enough of sharing my mental gibber gabber with the world.  Time to make dinner for Nathan.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011


Every Christmas (since I can remember) I have experienced a kind of sadness that I never could explain.  It comes at the quiet moments - when the snow is falling, when the hum of the furnace is slowing lulling me to sleep, when I curl up next to one of my boys or kitties... I have this horrible feeling that I just want to go home.  That even though I am home, and warm and safe, that something is seriously missing, and I don't know what it is.   

And everytime I go home, I feel disappointed.  It isn't that going home disappoints me, but rather, that this deep down feeling of longing for something won't go away.  A friend gave me a book - after Christmas I read it - and was amazed that it explained it.  I am longing for Jesus....for my true home....for a place without death and disease and life's crud.  I long for that feeling I had when I was little - that everything is safe, pure, perfect - something you only taste once when you are young, ignorant of the world and it's evils.

Oh the world, so filled of, as that book reminded me, of people like me.  Of people who are flawed, of a system that is flawed, of a place we weren't meant to be, where sad things happen.   

I know what a loss of a pet feels like, I have experienced it, and it is awful.  There are so many people that will look at you and say something like, "it is just a dog."  or, "it's just a cat."  they don't get it.  and that's okay.  i am not here to explain it to them. 

 Our family lost a dog this week - he wasn't my dog, and I wasn't close to him.  But others in my family were.  And the dog was not old.  And it was unexpected.  And random.  And that makes it all worse.  It was one of those know, when people say "it is one of those things"... and you are expected to nod your head in agreement and take it with a grain of salt but secretly inside you just want to scream at the top of your lungs that life really sucks sometimes, and its not fair, and why the heck are we stuck here in this hole where things like this could happen?!

Gus (puppy) with Kaiser
 Kaiser got into something...and after we found out he passed, we had to take all the kids into the doctor to be checked out.  My heart dropped when Chris got home from the vet that day only to be told to get the kids ready because they had an appointment waiting at our clinic...because there was some risk.  The vet (my brother) had even called the State Dept. of Health and poison control to see what they recommended, including calling Nathan's doctor/clinic to see what they recommended.  Ultimate decision was to go in. 

It all turned out okay...found out the incubation period was 24 hours, which had already passed, and that if humans got it (which, no one really knew exactly what 'it' was), it usually was self-limiting.  They talked to us about what to watch out for in the next 24 hours, and to go home.  But, for a few moments that day every single thought it my head was pushed out by a primal urge to grab my kids and do everything I could possibly do to protect them and save them. 

So is life I guess.  Until we get home.  Our real home.  Even though there are some beautiful, wonderful things here, it wasn't meant to be like this.  But, you  have to take it, and move on, keep going, until you get there.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Yes, that was a yellow Neon that just hit our car...

On Sunday morning, we piled into two vehicles to head down to see the Great Grandma's, about three hours away.  In our Acadia was myself, Nathan and Evan, Chris, and his brother and his wife. 

When we got to downtown, driving along 35W as it turns and curves around the city, a yellow car slams into the side of our car right next to where Nathan was sitting. 

Nathan says, "Mommy, what was that!?" 

And I told him, "That yellow car just hit us.." 

And Nathan says, quite matter-of-factly, "That car is naughty!" 

It was really the only funny part of the whole thing.  The kid was texting or on his phone or something, because he just came over into our lane and hit us.  We didn't think we had much damage, but after taking it in for an estimate, its over $1,000, so once again, as with last January, we will be dealing with car repairs and insurance deductibles. 

We made it down there though, and back, safe and sound, which is all that matters. 

Great Grandma Schwartz has all sorts of old school toys...makes you remember!
 I didn't take a lot of pictures, and none of the group shots, so I don't have much to share.  There was a moment though where I felt like I was Nathan's age again, and I could understand his tears so well.  It was when there were about 35 people downstairs in the were getting passed out, and Nathan hadn't gotten his yet.  Every gift that went by he was like, "is that for me?" and I would say, "no, not for you..." and then finally he just started crying thinking he didn't get anything.  I remember feeling that way.  Being the last one to get a present and being near tears feeling left out.  I just gave him a big hug and told him to wait and sure enough, the next one was for him. 
Eating dinner with the kids..Evan was off being held and snuggled by his many many great aunts who loves babies...
So, that was a whole day...and when we got home that night, we were both like, dang, guess we had our excitement for the week...

The next day was Christmas at Chris' parents house.  We had breakfast there, appetizers/lunch, naps, did puzzles, opened gifts, and played outside.  Overall, it was a wonderful day!

This picture makes me sad now, even though it is a good one.  I'll explain why in the next post. 

Some rare floor time - all toddlers and three year olds nappin'!

We dressed up and went outside for some fun before presents and was a great time...

Don't we look cute in the sled?  The poor boys had to pull me around...

I love this photo because Grandma and Evan are laughing at Henry...

Also a good one!

Not sure what Nathan is doing  here...

On the tenth day of Christmas...

...I found some time to blog.

Christmas this year was filled with blessings and sadness. 

It started for us on the 24th, with church (which was pretty difficult being squished in a pew for an hour with Nathan who had ants in his pants) followed by dinner and gift opening at my parents house.  I was feeling under the weather, but Dad managed to pour some rum or brandy in my Coke when I wasn't looking and honestly, it did make me feel better. 

Eating dinner...
Evan was fascinated with their ceiling fan...

After dinner these two watched a movie for a bit...

Nathan got a new tractor!

Kevin with his awesome shirt we got him...

Karen has always wanted actual Adidas shorts, not just knockoffs, so I got her a pair.  She goes, "I wish I had a jacket to match!"

A few minutes later, she opened her gift from Kevin - hilarious!  a jacket. 

Chris had fun finding his Mason Jar glasses from Kevin...

Nathan showing off his new slippers Christmas morning (we stayed overnight and put the kids to bed around 9...worked out great!)

Evan trying out Grandpa's new headphones...he didn't seem to mind them...

After breakfast with my parents, we packed up and headed home.  Nathan was shocked to see Santa had come and we opened our stocking stuffers, then off to naps!  Including myself. 

My happy boys!

Happy husband with his new glasses!

Evan's first Christmas ornament...

Nathan got a firetruck...
After presents we continued in our tradition of making home-made pizza for dinner.  Nathan had something else, not yet liking pizza.  We made deep-dish, and it was delicious.  After we put the kids to bed, Christopher and I watched The Christmas Story and then headed to bed ourselves.  It was a long, busy, happy day, but we needed our rest because the next morning we were headed down to Chris' extended family. 

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Long time no post...

I have been too busy having fun, relaxing, rushing, and running around to blog!  Sad it is ending today, and the normalcy of life is creeping back in. 

Much to blog about...tomorrow we will be suddenly "daycare poor" - yes, that is right, Evan is going to start...and I am sad!