You know, because they are so....lame. And once you call something your "new year's resolution" it seems to get immediately filed in your brain as "something to attempt for a bit and then give up on until the next time..."
But, now I have one. I am not sure how this happened, but it happened, so I need to deal with it -- figuring out what I want to do with the rest of my life (career wise). You think I would know, by now, after spending 10+ years doing what I am doing. But nope. Unfortunately, in my career, it is very rare you will stay in one place for long, and the fact I have been at the same place now for 10+ years is actually a rarity. Yesterday it was "discussed" with me that I really do need to examine the possibility of moving on if I am unsure about moving onto the next promotion level.
crushing. scary. exciting. draining.
It was not like I didn't know this was coming...in fact, I have already started to network, talk with recruiters/friends, and start to really analyze my career path. But, to be told it, verbally, to my face, was kind of like making it "real". Before it was all me, all in my head, with possibilities left and right and nothing I actually had to do because nobody was really thinking it except me. Which, I am aware of now, is not the case anymore.
So, I will spend a considerable amount of time this year thinking about what I want to do, where I want to do it, and that sort of stuff. At this point, I have no idea what the outcome will be. It is so hard though to try to plan out your life...you can't plan life...things happen, things change, it needs to be fluent. Just like a career I guess...I need to consider it a fluent part of my life...and be more open to change and different directions (although, considering what I do, is there ever a day where something isn't changing?!!!)
a good friend reminded me last night that it wasn't something I had to do alone either...how ironic that I had immediately reverted to thinking it something I needed to do alone. I have Help. silly me. He's always there. So, we had a chat last night, while I lay in bed, sick and stuffed up, and the answer was vague, unclear, and only directional. But, I am thankful for the direction, and will follow it...
In the meantime, it is cold, (40 below windchill tonight?) I am sick, and my ear is plugged (the notariously BAD one that always gets plugged). But, the good news is, Nathan is over this, Evan is much better and is eating much more, and so I am sure to be on my way to health again in a few days with a good attitude.