Monday, August 15, 2011

sometimes words don't do it justice...

i can't describe some of today's moments the way I felt about them.  I want the words to be so perfect that the next time i read this post i can relive the moment...but the more i think about the words the more i think about the feelings and i get lost. 

nathan was driving evan's choo choo around the kitchen making a ton of noise.  after about five minutes, daddy told him to stop.  I said to Nathan, "if you want to drive that thing around, you have to go down to the basement and do it."  Surprisingly, Nathan went.

About five minutes later, a sad and sorrowful voice from the basement calls up in a weak voice, "i made a big mess.  please come down here.  i made a big mess."  Both Daddy and I are like...oh crap.  Daddy goes down first and I follow...

All it was was that Nathan knocked over some folding chairs...it must have really scared him, because he ran to me and goes, "I was just trying to get my ball Mommy, I am so sorry Mommy, i am so sorry...it was an accident, I am so sorry..."  I just wanted to pick him up and hold him forever and remind him I will always love him no matter what. 

After that, all three of us stayed down there and played for awhile with a bouncy ball.  nothing else mattered at that moment.  just being there...bouncing a ball with nathan.

tonight for the first time I read Nathan a story that I loved growing up, "The Giving Tree".  Like Nathan, I always felt sad for the tree.  At the end of the book, Nathan goes, "I wish the tree wouldn't haven't given her branches and trunk up.  I didn't like that part."  I couldn't argue with him..but now as a parent, I can understand why the tree gave those things up.  "And the tree was happy..."

I told Nathan after story that I would bring him up a treat later.  About 20 minutes went by and I grabbed two Jello Pudding snacks, two spoons, and hauled them up to the bedroom.  We ate them in the closet and talked about the vanilla layer and how good chocolate pudding is.  we talked about how grandma jayne puts cream in the pudding and how cream makes a lot of things better.  like applesauce. 

he is in my closet right now playing with a car.  soon i will go in there and join him.

i just went and checked on Evan, who is sleeping soundly and doesn't yet know that he is a few days away from leaving the "baby room" at school and moving into the waddler one.  He certainly is waddling around! He even gets upset and starts crying and walking now at the same time to get to me.  It is funny how quickly they go from babies to little toddlers to little kids.  Evan said "hitty" last week for "kitty" but I haven't heard him repeat it, although he is babbling all the time so it may be in there somewhere. 

i sometimes wish I could live in a moment forever...there were a few of those moments today. 

Nathan just said, "hurry up Mom.  you are taking forever."  so...time to go.

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