Saturday, December 15, 2012


(written last night)

every year my mom, sister and I spend a day downtown before Christmas.  We were having a great time today, giggling, laughing, being silly.  My mom got hit on while we were walking to was hilarious.  A black man grabbed my arm and said, "hey, is that your mama?"  and I go, "yes" and he goes, "tell her she's beautiful baby" and I just said, "thank you!"  We laughed and laughed about it.

about an hour later, when I heard the news, my heart sank.  i felt ill.  i felt a tiny bit of the pain those parents felt.  are feeling.  a rush a panic flooded through me and I wanted to run to my kids, scoop them up, and hug them forever.

this world isn't safe.  it's evil.  it scares me because I know I cannot protect my kids from it. 

I know God could have stopped it but He didn't.  He gives people a choice.  I don't understand if He always knows what we are going to do or choose, or if He just knows what's in our hearts, so He knows where we are headed.  I wish He would have stopped it. 

There is a devil, there is Satan, and he laughed today...but I know God cried. 

And then, although I don't understand why He didn't stop the violence, deep down I know He has a reason.  After all, He let his only son die a horrific, violent death...and if I am even 1/100000th of a parent like He is, His heart must have been breaking the entire time.    But He had a reason for it. 

I just wish the reason could have been taught or learned or happened some other way. 

But as God says, My thoughts are not your thoughts.  My ways are not your ways. 

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