The blog has slowly gotten away from me...which is good. WHICH FEELS WONDERFUL.
I am spending time playing with my boys outside.
Snuggling with my last baby.
Pulling Jeffrey away from my computer. And everything else.
Napping with Mystro on my lap.
I am learning to let go of years of "have to's" in my head for other things. "want to's".
I am making changes. slowly, but surely. it's about love, forgiveness, family. not obligations or appearances of a perfect life, a perfect family, a perfect anything that doesn't exist.
God is the only perfection in this world. people, all people, should stop trying to pretend something like that is attainable. the perfectionist in me is strong. I have been feeding it for years...as long as I can remember. but I am starting to let it go. It fights me. That's okay though, this is something worth fighting for....
Let's go. One day at a time.
Don't get me wrong, in between all these "fun" blog posts, and its the same for everyone, there are lots and lots of BAD days. Crummy days at work, sick days, headaches, disappointments, deaths, failures, let downs...but sprinkled in between these days are glimpses of better things.
Somedays I get very angry we are sitting down here in this crap-hole.
Somedays I get overjoyed with all the blessings and wonderful things of life.
So if you are wondering where I have been, the answer is: here. HERE. In the present. It's hard to be in the present when you are a perfectionist, struggling with fears, anxiety, and illness. But life is hard in general. Nobody has it easy, no matter how pretty their blog looks or how sparkly their facebook posts are....
So, where did I leave off? Looks like September....I will do a few posts about that this coming week...
If I don't post though, and you are a friend, you know how to find me anyways.... :)