Sunday, December 28, 2014

Jeffrey gets the remote....and life....

Jeffrey started moving one day months ago...and never stopped.  Even Chris remarked today that Jeffrey went from sweet wiggly baby in the corner to annoying Waddler in like a day....

That's okay.  We still love him.  Even when he changes the channel on us...



September was warm...green, sunny......



Sometimes people ask me why Jeffrey is always in jammies.  These are Sleep and Plays....

And they are the best things ever...

I don't ask, but I often wonder why people dress their kids up in all these silly pants and top type outfits that have tight elastic around their middles, their socks are falling off, their bottoms always need pulling up...no thanks for me.  I think they look cute, but for all practical purposes, I find them a pain in the butt.

Jeffrey likes these.

He says its okay if you think they are jammies.

It doesn't matter to him.  He would rather explore the grass.

Or eat some leaves by the lake and beach.  -- it was so warm in September, the kids still are playing in the water!


Here are Nathan and Evan wading in below...did Mommy say they could?  No.

Boys will be boys....I let it go, and they smiled and played and got soaked---and for a moment, all was right in this crazy world....




This picture made the Christmas Card...Jeffrey laughs hard like his Grandpa -- scrunches up his nose and giggles for no reason at all (also like Grandpa)

Babies seem to understand more than adults do about life.  The trust themselves completely to another, laugh when happy, cry when sad or needing something, and find everything and everyone interesting and unique.  They don't judge or hurt others, but just crave being loved.  Somewhere along the way, we lose this...

somedays when I am sad, Jeffrey crawls on me and laughs and looks at me like I am the most wonderful, amazing person in the world!  It's hard for me to believe, but when I think about it, I know that's how Jesus looks at each one of us, all the time...


Sorry, but I just don't get tired of these pictures....look how beautiful this oak tree was in the background and that smile on Evan's face!

I will blog when I feel like it.

The blog has slowly gotten away from me...which is good.  WHICH FEELS WONDERFUL.

I am spending time playing with my boys outside.

Snuggling with my last baby.

Pulling Jeffrey away from my computer.  And everything else.

Napping with Mystro on my lap.

I am learning to let go of years of "have to's" in my head for other things.  "want to's".

I am making changes.  slowly, but surely.  it's about love, forgiveness, family.  not obligations or appearances of a perfect life, a perfect family, a perfect anything that doesn't exist.

God is the only perfection in this world.  people, all people, should stop trying to pretend something like that is attainable.  the perfectionist in me is strong.  I have been feeding it for years...as long as I can remember.  but I am starting to let it go.  It fights me.  That's okay though, this is something worth fighting for....

#Braverliving.

Let's go.  One day at a time.

Don't get me wrong, in between all these "fun" blog posts, and its the same for everyone, there are lots and lots of  BAD days.  Crummy days at work, sick days, headaches, disappointments, deaths, failures, let downs...but sprinkled in between these days are glimpses of better things.

Somedays I get very angry we are sitting down here in this crap-hole.

Somedays I get overjoyed with all the blessings and wonderful things of life.

So if you are wondering where I have been, the answer is:  here.  HERE.  In the present.  It's hard to be in the present when you are a perfectionist, struggling with fears, anxiety, and illness.  But life is hard in general.  Nobody has it easy, no matter how pretty their blog looks or how sparkly their facebook posts are....

So, where did I leave off?  Looks like September....I will do a few posts about that this coming week...

I think.

If I don't post though, and you are a friend, you know how to find me anyways....  :)