i have a few moments.
Tonight was the last night of small group at church. I signed up as an assistant teacher, but I got to teach four times by myself since the main teacher couldn't make those nights.
I was really nervous the first time I had to do it myself.
Then, afterwards, I realized I did a good job -- and I had fun with those kids! I definitely have a more demanding presence when the other teacher is not there...the kids get unruly, she lets them play toys beforehand and she is never prepared - that's just not my style.
I like to be prepared, keep the kids moving from thing to thing, and am strict and send kids to the couch if they need a break. And I like to tease them a lot, tell stories, and have fun.
I did learn a lot about those first graders, and a lot about myself by doing this.
I learned that I can step back and just be the assistant when I need to be; letting others lead even though I am totally annoyed with what they are doing and how they are doing it.
I learned that first graders fart a lot. A LOT. #smelly
I learned that most little girls like to color and are neat and sweet. Except for that one. There is that one that is messy, burps, won't try, speaks out of turn, and tends to drive you nuts.
I learned that even though I feel lousy, have incredibly anxiety, and don't think I am going to make it through the night, I will. God will help me.
I learned that I am hardest on my own kid during class...i.e, Nathan why aren't you following along? Why aren't you paying attention? Why are you goofing off? Why aren't you raising your hand? Why are you speaking out of turn? Why are you asking to go to the bathroom? --- (all things said in my mind, until we get to the car, where I let him know what I was thinking when I glared at him during class....)
I learned that kids don't like stories if you just read a story. Kids like stories when you get into the story too --- I learned I am really good at that -- because I enjoyed the stories as well. :-)
I learned that I really like the dinners they served in the church hall before class...it was a way to get mentally prepared and a way for our family to eat together and not have to cook on a busy night.
I learned that this quote from Maryanne Williamson is true:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”