Monday, August 31, 2015

April Part Duex

Before I get into April, today is actually August 31.  Last day of August, and first day of school for the 2015-2016 year. 

Apparently, even though I am not going to school today, I get to be incredibly nervous anyways.   Nathan is going into second grade.  I remember second grade so clearly, that it really is apparent that Nathan will remember most everything now for the rest of his life.  

For some reason, when I think about that, I feel this intense pressure to make sure I am doing things "right".  I know this is just perfectionism coming out at some level that I need to let go of, but at another level, its more that I want to be there for my kids a little more than my parents were there for me.  I don't want them to feel the loneliness I felt (which don't get me wrong, I know may have just been me...)  But, do I listen enough?  Do I take enough time to spend with him and wait for him to talk about his day?  I don't know. I have three kids, two cats, a husband, and a career.  I hope I do...

Last night when I heard these words from both Nathan and Evan at separate times, "mommy will you sleep with me?"  I was torn between wanting to rest on the couch and watch tv with Daddy, or laying with Evan or with Nathan.  I eventually chose Nathan, and when I went downstairs, like many nights, he was already sound asleep.  I always wiggle him a little and try to get him to wake up (like a fun game), but it is nearly impossible to rouse Nathan the first few hours he is sleeping.  

So I sat there and looked at the moon for a few minutes, and listened to his breathing.  And then I went upstairs, and peeked in on Jeffrey and covered him up, and then I looked in on Evan and kissed him goodnight, and then I went to bed.  

Evan is moving up to the next preschool level today too, and I am proud, and sad.  He turned 5 the end of July, so he could have done kindergarten this year, but we didn't put him in.  I am glad.  He and Nathan are nearly three years apart in age so they will be so in school.   I am sad-happy.  

I know after I drop Nathan off at school today, there will be tears (ME) for at least a few miles while I drive into work.  When Jeffrey was born, I knew that soon he would be squiggling out of my arms and running away.  I held onto him tightly, snuggled with him, but often got distracted by his two older brothers.  Now he is always squiggling out of Mommy's arms, running away when I want to put his pants on, and those baby days are over, never to come again.  

I know I need to focus on the wonderfulness that is now.  I hear Nathan downstairs making his own breakfast, not asking Mommy for a bit of help while I sit up here and sniffle.  It's a good thing.  

Onto April Part Duex!  Which, at the moment, seems like an eternity ago!  

We had a wedding to go to, and I looked on the map, and found a great park in St. Peter -- which Chris knew nothing about!  He went to Gustavus, so seriously Christopher, what the heck?  






You could tell it used to be made entirely of wood, but slowly it looks like they are replacing pieces with plastic boards -- it was so nice to see something so neat not torn down for the same old playground equipment!



The boys wanted to stay longer...now that we know this is here, and on the way to see extended family, I think we will stop here more often.


Jeffrey had had it, as you can see....

The week after the wedding Grandma took vacation, so Jeffrey and I spent the week together.




He liked the park -- and he still cries when he can't walk up a slide...

Everyday that week we would go over and pick up Evan from school, go to Grandmas, raid her snack cupboard, and wait for Nathan to walk home from school.  Here is Jeffrey waiting for Nathan to get home...

We did a lot of spring cleaning that week -- I washed windows, and Jeffrey tried to help...

Here we are another day waiting for Nathan....

Snacking!

Spring was here...oh how I love the blossoms...




Jeffrey got some new wheels!   It's nice having a wagon....and this baby corners like it's on rails!

Selfie with the cat!

Friends over....



New baby smell!

Trinity -- reluctantly hugging Christopher...

Scary watermelon cutting!

Rainy spring days...baby wandering around...



Rainbows...He's here... :)

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